Posted in children, humor, Parenting, Prenancy

Where babies come from 101

All children ask that famous question ‘where do babies come from?’

while we all know we must never lie to our children, but to protect and cherish their childhood innocence for as long as possible we embellish the truth slightly…and lets be honest lying is always the quickest way out of an awkward conversation, that and yelling ‘lets go to McDonalds’.

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There are endless versions of how to answer this question, I’ve heard of ‘mummy ate a watermelon seed which made her tummy grow a baby’ however this isn’t the best option if your child eats a lot of fruits containing seeds because if they accidently eat a seed and it’s a public place, well lets just say you’d rather not have a government department knocking at your door.

I’ve also heard of ordering a baby online, while an easier concept to communicate to a child this does create its own down falls with the potential to set high expections for the new arrival because should your child be disappointed with the delivery refund isn’t an option.

Me on the other hand, I went with the basic more authentic version… ‘when mums and dads decide to have a baby, they grow in mums tummy and come out when they are ready. No frills. No details. A response to a difficult question that I thought, was not only appropriate but responsibly honest. Nailed it.

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Anyone who knows my daughter will know she desperately wanted a little brother or sister and was always on cue for any opportunity to enquire when hers was coming. While the baby thing was quite the hot topic of conversation, rather than make one I thought…rent one. So I arranged a coffee date with a friend who had recently had a baby.

On preparing to go on our date, to our true form we were running late. I raced around the house piecing together clothing from different areas of the house to wear. I had just found the matching shoe for my daughter. She was dressed tick, now me. I slipped into my ‘go to’ dress when i’m running late and rushed to grab some underwear. Got to the draw had none. All of them were in the washing or wet and drying, yes less than ideal.

As many mother will understand after having a baby, post pregnancy langrie is a thing of the past baby, no sexy kickers would be slipping over this bum anymore. However in saying that, in times of need, like this occasion, I resorted to the ‘I have no knickers can’t go out starkers, pre pregnancy thong size 8’. So I was now a 14, really a 16 but 14 makes me feel better so we’ll go with it. So wearing a thong you could debate is as close to starkers as you could get, but having something on was in that moment better than a bare bum. I lured it on, tucked it where needed, and although tighter than envisaged the extra support was reassuring. We raced out the door and we were off!

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We stopped off at the super market to pick up a cake to take to my friends, already running late we raced into the shop hand in hand. I glance at myself in the window on the way in, my tight fitting thong reminding me of the extra pounds I was carrying as my dressed hugged me in the wind. Complaining about my weight while touching my tummy, this sparked a memory for my daughter, because for her big tummys meant baby. I avoided the conversation and reminded her we were running late.

We shot down the bakery isle, I was very focused scanning what was on offer and debating to myself ‘with cream, no cream, gluten free, chocolate, no lemon, ooo maybe lamingtons’. Then I heard a loud “oooooh ah sorry”. I turned to see a rather red faced gentleman. At this stage I was like ‘I know im in my sexy dress but I wouldn’t recommend bothering me while selecting cake’ but what I didn’t realise and couldn’t feel was my daughter who had hiked my dress up in search of the baby she thought I had. I glanced back at the poor man who had just seen my bum to apologise but he wasn’t the only one standing there. Some school boys were there too. You would think boys would appreciate seeing a girls bum but I had a thong on and I’m not sure by that stage whether my size 8 thong was still visible or whether my bum had swallowed it! but those boys didn’t appreciate it. I herded my daughter out from under my dress ditched the cake and headed for the car. We finally got to the car, an escape that seemed like a life time. We buckled up, I started the car and my daughter says “what about the cake for the baby” I replied “McDonalds!”. #timeforacupoftea

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