Posted in Bed time, Behaviour, children, humor, Memoirs, Parenting, Uncategorized

The Smell Of A Tired Mother

All mothers know that feeling all to well when your just so tired that just getting through the day is an achievement let alone actually dressing yourself properly. Children have this gift or a sixth sense in capturing these moments and using it to their advantage. It’s like they smell opportunity in the air to PERSIST when you’re at your weakest to get their way.

Let’s set the scene, ITS BED TIME. Haha just saying bed time in itself is enough to give any mother an eye twitch but lets run with it.

ITS BED TIME you got through dinner, you spent over an hour with little Johnny at dinner time trying to get him to eat his dinner. You spin your best moves of various tactics to convince, bargain, positive reinforcement and all of the above. The result….He ate 3 peas and a noodle, we’ll call it a win for today.

So dinner tick, then its shower and bed. You tell yourself ‘I can do this’ the other side of your brain says ‘you don’t have a fecking choice so just get on with it the wine is waiting down stairs’. You take a deep breath and plunge into stage two of your evening.

So little Johnny’s been relatively straight forward he’s washed, in his PJ’s and waiting in his room ready for you to read him a story for bed. Bless him and his little cotton socks! You get to the second child, beloved little penny decides clothes aren’t her thing tonight and won’t put her PJ’s on. With child number two kicking and screaming you retreat from the situation to give yourself a breather and you go to put little Johnny to bed because bless him he was so good at getting ready for bed.

You get to Johnny’s bedroom door and he’s taken his whole entire art kit out and is kneading play dough on the carpet, little Penny storms down the hallway because you ditched her mid tantrum. Johnny starts screaming because Penny ran through his play dough city that was mashed into the carpet so he throws a pen at her. Penny drops to the ground like she’s been shot by a rifle and screams at the top of her lungs like she has a life threatening injury because Johnny threw something at her. Johnny realises he’s taken it too far by throwing something so ALSO drops to the ground like he’s been shot by an imaginary rifle from no where.

Freeze frame: Your standing there you’ve had enough, your tired, you haven’t finished your dinner, you still have to make lunches, do the washing and feed the dog. Parachuting into space is not an option in this moment so that’s out, in your head you want to scream ‘Listen kids I don’t give a mother freaking penny farthing what you do I’m just gonna shut the door and pretend you’re not here’, but you can’t do that because it’s illegal.

Instead you scream STOOOOOOOOP! The kids freeze and stare at you surprised that you took such a stand. You whisper ‘chocolate’, ‘get into bed and I’ll give you both chocolate’. Both children get up, recovering surprisingly quickly from their imaginary gun shots. Penny promptly walks down the hall picking her pants up on the way. Johnny covers his play dough with his blanket and jumps into bed and shuts his eyes. You go down stairs get two pieces of chocolate take one to each child kiss them on the head, turn off the nights. As you walk down the hallway you hear little voices say ‘Love you mummy’. #Yougotthisshit

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